Day 16

Hey y'all.

Still here. Still home.

My brain is all over the place, so I'm hoping that writing will be sort of meditative and help me sort some thoughts out.

1. Bar Mitzvah.
We had a family meeting last night (all family members age 12 and over attended) to discuss our plans to postpone officially, the age 12 child's Bar Mitzvah. We decided, as Team Family, to postpone it to 2021, as that plan was the "least sucky" option. I have been up and down about this, seeing as how I'd been planning it for the better part of a year, spent countless hours working on details for the entire weekend celebration (hosting family and friends for no fewer than 4 large meals). The child has been studying to read Torah for the past 3 years, and has worked for the past year on a daily-weekly basis practicing and preparing for this particular reading on this particular date. So it's not easy to just switch the date. Big bummer. But of course we want our friends and family to be able to safely attend. We are going to be SO ready to celebrate together next May. Sigh. We were so close and now it feels so far away. Oh, and also our original venue is no longer renting due to lack of staffing, so there's that.

2. Food.
I read this article earlier about how when there is so much uncertainty, we must stay present and control the things within our control. Well anyone who knows me (or who has read even a few of these blog posts) knows my not so secret love affair with control. We are mad for each other. So I had been quarantine shopping for a few weeks before this all got serious here. We are not hoarders or couponers, but we've got toilet paper, and as we had been preparing to get rid of an extra freezer (we have an extra fridge/freezer in the basement, plus the former homeowner left a small freezer when she moved), we had space to fill up with frozen veggies and meat and fish. We can do all the hunkering when I feel like we've got enough food to eat without needing the grocery store. Still anxious though, bc there is so much uncertainty about getting food and not being able to feel safe and secure. It gives me a glimpse into the lives of people who are truly food insecure. And we have plenty! This is just one way my anxiety is manifested.

Quarantine Creative Work

3. Kids.
The kids are okay. The big one is definitely bummed about not being able to see his friends at school, and occasionally frustrated at being stuck with us, but for the most part, he's been dealing okay, as long as his phone shuts off after 2 hours of usage. He has "enrichment" work offered by his teachers, but nothing truly concrete. We try to keep to a routine that is framed around mealtime. Between breakfast and lunch, he is supposed to do something academic, something creative, and some movement. Between lunch and dinner, it's the same. He seems to like the flexibility in that, and I'm just happy if he's busy and seems okay.
The little one seems weirded out by all of this, but managing. He's quicker to cry than usual, and needs extra hugs and snuggles. He is having a very hard time with his response to the word "no" and averaging a few extra tantrums a day. Today he had his first virtual circle time with his preschool class and teacher, and that was definitely comforting. He'll have one every day at 9:30, so that's fabulous, and something to look forward to. I wish every kid could have access to some level of familiarity like this. They and we need it badly, this connection to normalcy.

4. Movement.
I had been on a great streak. I re-joined the gym in January and I'd been going 6-7 times a week since then. Trying to improve my heart health, trying to extend my lifespan. Now I feel like crawling under the bed. Which is not even possible because our bed is a built-in.

5. Dog.
He's the best, you guys. But even he is weirded out. My dad came by to pick up some groceries we added to our delivery order and the dog was basically crying at the window that my dad couldn't come in. I think he also doesn't know why we are here all day long. I'm guessing he needs his alone time too.

6. House.

Rage walking at dusk.

Well, I'll be honest, Dan has painted a purple wall, and we had time a few nights ago to put up artwork we hadn't had a chance to put up since we moved in. And since the bar mitzvah is now moved to next year, I'm wondering if we will be able to remodel the kitchen before then...? Is that out of the realm of possibility? My concern would be if we do the demo but can't finish it bc of another global pandemic. I never ever would've been saying those words 3 weeks ago.

I hope all of you out there are hanging in and that you have food to eat and someone to make you laugh not too far away.

xxoo

Life in the time of CV

Wow. Just wow. Anyone on Earth right now is connected in the strangest way. We are connected because we cannot be together.

I just keep thinking that this experience couldn't be any weirder, but my emotions change on an hourly basis.

Since I process by talking (which becomes writing), I figured it would be healthy to fire up the old blog to both digest and keep a record of this bizarre and terrifying time.

So.

Today is Day 7 for our family's lockdown. We live in a suburb of Philadelphia, and our public school district closed down last Tuesday for the duration of the week. I am so grateful for this, that my husband and older child were not exposed to dozens of other kids who may or may not have been exposed unknowingly. I did work last Tuesday, I visited a few classes in Philadelphia, though luckily, that was prior to any known cases were discovered in the city.

Since then, my big kid (J - age 12) has been home from school. Last week, he had one playdate at someone's home, and one playdate at an ice cream shop. After Wednesday of last week, he has had no in person contact with any other kids other than his brother (Z - age 5)

**
Sorry for the interruption. Despite us having to be at home all the time, I don't seem to be any less busy than I was 2 weeks ago.

Today is actually Day 9 for our quarantine.

Z's day consisted of reading stories with me in the morning (1 of which I videoed and shared on Facebook), doing a bit of journal writing, playing in the house, playing in the backyard, going for a scooter/walk with me and the dog, watching a few shows and playing a few ipad games. All in all pretty good. We are trying to help him stick to his school routine as much as possible since it comforts him. But also I want him to have fun and not feel worried, so I have set up lots of lovely activities and crafts throughout the house. Of course he just wants to be near me.

J's day involved some schoolwork on the computer (he has enrichment activities assigned by his teachers), some doodling on the dry erase board, 15 minutes of playing soccer in the backyard before he came in to complain his cleats were too tight, and lots of talking to his friends on the newly downloaded app House Party. There may have been a meltdown on the deck because he reached that point in the day at about 3:00.

As for me, today I was on kid duty. Dan was painting a purple wall in the living room. Adios, lilac wisteria! Welcome home, clean, modern, white wall. It was a monster wall, that borders a flight of steps but also goes way up high, as we have a ranch home that has super high ceilings with exposed beams. So even though we moved in almost 2 years ago, we hadn't been able to paint that damn wall yet.

If nothing else, we at least have time to work on house projects?

Tomorrow I am planning on trying to get some work done, while also baking soft pretzels from scratch. I'm hoping to scoop down in my flour canister to the point where I have some whole wheat flour waiting for me to use to create a sourdough starter. I've never made sourdough bread before, but always wanted to, so wish me luck. I'll report back.

Too tired to share emotions this evening, but hopefully I'll get a chance tomorrow, in between the baking, the working, the reading, the snuggles, and dog walks. It's easier to keep busy, less panic seeps in the cracks.

adolescent in his natural habitat

iPad photos - I have 100 of these stored on my icloud account

pup and buttercups

This is a mountain from angry birds 2. (obviously)

Backyard time.