Talk The Talk

charlie d's version

"How does the baby get inside of the mommy?" he asks oh so innocently after a brief discussion of the origin of humans.

Wait a minute, let's rewind.

The full scene took place as follows...

Setting: car
Music: Elana Jagoda, Seven Days (listing the seven days of the week and what G-d created on each day)

Judah:  (after listening intently to the lyrics) Those are the days of the week, but those were really the first days of the year.

Me:  You mean the beginning of time?

Judah: Yeah.

Me:  Well, you know, that's what some people believe.  We don't really know for sure about how people and plants and animals came to be here, so different people have different ideas about how it all happened.

Judah:  Hmm.  (silence for a few moments)  Well, how does the baby get inside of the mommy?  Wait, I think I know how it happens.  Maybe there's a magician who waves a wand and does magic to get the baby in there without cracking the mommy's belly.  Then he waves it again to get the baby out without cracking it again! (sounding very satisfied with himself)

Mia:  Wow, that's very creative!  I like the way you think.  You asked a good question and I have a book at home (it's good to be prepared) that we can look at together that will explain it all.

Judah:  But I want to know now.

Dan/Mia: The book will show you pictures...

Judah:  Ok.

Fast forward a few hours later, I bust out my "Where do babies come from?" book, that I think was a hand-me-down from our neighbors, bless their hearts, that I had hidden for this very occasion.  We look at it together (it's not the one with funny drawings that I remember looking at as a kid).  It's one of those DK books that you often see in the sale section at barnes & noble.  First it talks about the bees spreading pollen, then ducks hatching from eggs, kittens gestating in a cat, and finally a baby growing inside a mommy.  The book is pretty basic, but does introduce some new terms (sperm, egg, womb, etc.).  He is very interested (adds his own commentary during the bees/plants section as he is an expert in pollination) and listens patiently throughout.

I close the book and tentatively pry, "so do you have any questions?"

"Yes," he answers, "If the sperm and the egg are separate, how do they get together?"

I try to cover my nervous laugh (wasn't I hoping he wouldn't ask that?) and quickly straighten my smile.  "Well, the mommy and the daddy love each other very much and the daddy gives the sperm to the mommy."

"But HOW?"

"Well, they love each other very much, and they get close together and the daddy puts the sperm inside the mommy."  The end (I am praying)  "Does that answer your question?" (please oh please)

He tilts his head thoughtfully.  "Yes." pause  "Can I watch a movie now?"

I sigh, (grateful) "Sure!"

I think it went okay.  I know we're not done with this topic for good, but I'm glad to have broken the ice.  It was important to answer his question without giving too much information.   Still, it was a bit more stressful than I thought it would be.  I didn't want to make a wrong move and scar him for life.  Fellow parents: Don't you feel like that every day?  Like you're just trying to avoid permanent scars?

xxoo